My mum has this new theory about scraped knees. If a child falls down and scrapes its knee and the mother rushes over to help, the child assumes that the worst possible thing has happened and doesn't ever learn to cope. So when I write home from Bangkok saying "this place is insane I can't get around without being hasseled to get in a taxi but if I got in a taxi I could wind up who the hell knows where! Ahhhh!" She says "It's all good."
And then walking around the alley by the Muay Thai boxing ring to the backstreet market for dinner before getting on a 12 hour bus--- carrying my pack, a small bag and a bottle of water-- what do I do?
I fall and scrape my knee.
But what do you do? You laugh and pick up the scattered things, including yourself and go back to life.
Yesterday was actually pretty awesome. I got a thai massage. Oh what a thing of bliss, an hour for 180 bhat-- about 6 dollars. And I wandered into a series of indoor thai supermarkets and department stores. I only saw one other "farang" there and he and I eyed each other with a look of "this place is unreal! I'm not sure we're allowed to be here."
And there, in the grocery store I finally met my new rival.... the asian-style toliet. Never has a hole in the ground produced the fear of god in me.
The bus ride was pretty much exactly what I anticipated. Very uncomfortable seats, not all of which reclined, we stopped a few times at really dingy little rest stops with food markets set up, the toliet was inaccessiable during the 13 hour drive. We were dropped off outside of town at a gas station and then transferred into a bunch of red pickup taxis which took us to a very specific guest house. We said "no no that's okay, we don't want to see a room." and walked into down town. Since its low season I'm staying in a 2 person room at a teak guest house owned by a french woman for less than a 1 person room.
Chiang mai's forests are gorgeous and the city itself is MUCH calmer than BKK and the old city part where I am is nice. There is one very noticable difference from BKK as well. "Mozzies!" Mosquitos are in full force here and at the temple I know I'm not allowed to kill any living creature.
And yea, I've realized that I've been on the internet every single day but here's the math.
100 degrees outside+Mosquitos+humidity+being hasseled by tuk-tuk drivers and vendors OR 20 bhat (approx. 66 cents) for an hour of a/c?!?!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Dharma, Dhamma, Damn.
I think I will get the word "Breathe" tattooed onto my wrist in Thai because that's the biggest lesson that I am trying to learn here. Every backpacker I meet seems better at traveling--and life-- than me. They just seem relaxed, cool, collected. HOWEVER, I have yet to meet any Americans. And those people that I do meet are often traveling in pairs, especially the females--and all of us smell. I've been tagging along with people though. I met phillip yesterday--He's from England, well traveled, sharp witted, spontaneous, clever and bears a close resemblance to my dream man. He and his girlfriend had been traveling down in the south and malaysia for a month and she had just left so he had breakfast with me. After which we walked to the Grand Palace,the big temple adjecent to the palace and Wat Pho-- home of the reclining buddha--maybe the only "sight" I will end up seeing. It was a half day affair and we found some great food at a market and were even "guides" for a time for a malasian group. (we found the back route to the temples, through the university and these three malasian tourists seemed to think we knew what we were doing." Phillip wanted to take a tuk-tuk back, but I find them to be extremely dangerous, after all, over breakfast he told me about how he was taken all around town by a driver who was clearly a part of a organized crime group---mob. It's called the "lucky buddha" trick. You get in a tuk-tuk (or sometimes even a taxi) and say you want to go to a wat. Then the driver tells you that the wat is closed for a special ceremony (it isn't) and that he will take you on a tour of ones that are open as long as you will go to a jewel shop (just to look!) at the end of the tour. The last wat is a fake! You get there and people magically appear , claiming that they've been to this jewel shop and its great! Then you are taken there and it's awful quality. If you're lucky, you get out of the jewel shop and get a ride back and pack. If you are unlucky your passport is held ransom or you yourself are threatened. Cool huh? No tuk-tuks.
I was going to find a way to the train station on the other end of BKK and take a train to chiang mai but in the courtyard of the guest house I met Tony an older EXTREMELY well traveled Austrailian, who was headed up there on the same day but via chartered bus. It's a 12 hour bus ride, air conditioned overnight. We'd both read about some scams where the buses are in poor condition and not what is promised, you wind up way on the outside of town where you are pawned off onto specific guest houses and even some theft. And this is why I'm so tense in thailand. But Tony had taken buses before so we scoped them out and booked with an israeli company based upon the logic "if anyone would raise a stink over bad service, it's the jews!"
So we leave tonight at 6pm and I hope it doesn't wind up being one of those stories I tell later. I bought a small backpack/daypack today so i can keep the most vital things close to me. The fanny pack just wasn't cutting it anymore.
But truely, Americans can't travel! Or at the very least we don't. I have yet to even HEAR an american accent. While doing my laundry in the sink last night I met a lovely pair of sisters from England. One had just finished college and the other was taking a year off before she started. Gap years. And they were spending that year traveling the world together. They were 3 months in had seen most of south east asian and were integral in telling me to calm down.
It's hard to know how much to loosen up. Enough to have fun, but not so much that I get really into trouble. Not an easy balance and I have yet to strike it. I ordered a mango shake this morning with breakfast and halfway through stopped drinking it over fears about ice in the shake. It's stuff like that....
The airport found my bag of sunblock and bugspray---but there's no way it will get to me before I leave for chiang mai, where I will actually need it. I took some malaria medication last night and got a massive head ache, but it doesn't look like Chiang Mai is at risk but the wat is just outside the city, up on the mountain. Apparently its the most important wat in the city. ... Something about a white elephant dying there....
But, like phil said "Hey look! There's a temple in middle of the road! Or a road in the middle of the temple?"
And the ever lasting question of the reclining buddha. But how do they get it in there?
Oh, and I stubbed my toe at wat pho. I just think that sounds cool, eh?
I was going to find a way to the train station on the other end of BKK and take a train to chiang mai but in the courtyard of the guest house I met Tony an older EXTREMELY well traveled Austrailian, who was headed up there on the same day but via chartered bus. It's a 12 hour bus ride, air conditioned overnight. We'd both read about some scams where the buses are in poor condition and not what is promised, you wind up way on the outside of town where you are pawned off onto specific guest houses and even some theft. And this is why I'm so tense in thailand. But Tony had taken buses before so we scoped them out and booked with an israeli company based upon the logic "if anyone would raise a stink over bad service, it's the jews!"
So we leave tonight at 6pm and I hope it doesn't wind up being one of those stories I tell later. I bought a small backpack/daypack today so i can keep the most vital things close to me. The fanny pack just wasn't cutting it anymore.
But truely, Americans can't travel! Or at the very least we don't. I have yet to even HEAR an american accent. While doing my laundry in the sink last night I met a lovely pair of sisters from England. One had just finished college and the other was taking a year off before she started. Gap years. And they were spending that year traveling the world together. They were 3 months in had seen most of south east asian and were integral in telling me to calm down.
It's hard to know how much to loosen up. Enough to have fun, but not so much that I get really into trouble. Not an easy balance and I have yet to strike it. I ordered a mango shake this morning with breakfast and halfway through stopped drinking it over fears about ice in the shake. It's stuff like that....
The airport found my bag of sunblock and bugspray---but there's no way it will get to me before I leave for chiang mai, where I will actually need it. I took some malaria medication last night and got a massive head ache, but it doesn't look like Chiang Mai is at risk but the wat is just outside the city, up on the mountain. Apparently its the most important wat in the city. ... Something about a white elephant dying there....
But, like phil said "Hey look! There's a temple in middle of the road! Or a road in the middle of the temple?"
And the ever lasting question of the reclining buddha. But how do they get it in there?
Oh, and I stubbed my toe at wat pho. I just think that sounds cool, eh?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Bangkok Blues
I hate bangkok. it's so frantic and exhausting. Between that and jet leg I was in a complete state of depression yesterday and ended up meditating in my 2nd story guesthouse room for 4 hours. Word to the wise-- in monsoon season live on the second floor! The courtyard was flooded nearly up to my knee!
There's more to this story, including many tears and crushed romanticism but long story short I'm getting out of this city and fast.
I've applied to study for 21 days at a wat up near chiang mai-- free of cost, as if the way of dhamma. I should get to the wat within a week. Today i will brave bangkok and head towards Wat pho and the train station to buy a ticket to Chaing Mai.
There's more to this story, including many tears and crushed romanticism but long story short I'm getting out of this city and fast.
I've applied to study for 21 days at a wat up near chiang mai-- free of cost, as if the way of dhamma. I should get to the wat within a week. Today i will brave bangkok and head towards Wat pho and the train station to buy a ticket to Chaing Mai.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sawat-dee!
I've fallen in love before. And sure, it always happens relatively quickly, but its never been as sudden as this. It only took one smile and one bus ride at sunrise and I now I'm head over heels.
Sure, it's still early, literally, and it's still the uncertain giggly flirty stage but, Thailand, I must confess, I love you.
I've already written about 15 poems in my head about this place. It's absolutely indescribable. Poetry is a good medium because I can take it all on in little bits. I'm on Khao San Road right now and that's a world unto itself.
I met many people getting here. All the right people I might add. Shine is from China and translated for me in Taipei and Tak is Thai and taught me numbers and phrases and helped when my one small checked bag got lost--- and is still lost.
oh.
I have to go buy sunscreen now.
I'm completely overwhelmed and pitifully tired. And it's 7 am here.
6 minutes of internet time left and guesthouses still to research.
Sure, it's still early, literally, and it's still the uncertain giggly flirty stage but, Thailand, I must confess, I love you.
I've already written about 15 poems in my head about this place. It's absolutely indescribable. Poetry is a good medium because I can take it all on in little bits. I'm on Khao San Road right now and that's a world unto itself.
I met many people getting here. All the right people I might add. Shine is from China and translated for me in Taipei and Tak is Thai and taught me numbers and phrases and helped when my one small checked bag got lost--- and is still lost.
oh.
I have to go buy sunscreen now.
I'm completely overwhelmed and pitifully tired. And it's 7 am here.
6 minutes of internet time left and guesthouses still to research.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Same Same
This summer I will live presently-- within the moment and not in the past or the future.
There are no goals and no obligations--- and no destinations.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to get to the airport at 7 am, but my flight is not until 12. The journey has already begun and people watching at the airport for a few hours will be a part of it. The absurdly long, muscle-swelling flight to Taipei will be part of it. Sitting at the BKK airport from 1 am to 5 am while I wait for the buses to run will be part of it. Just as much as walking around Bangkok and any part of Thailand will be part of it.
It's all a continuation of the same journey.
"Same same" as they say in Thailand. (it's Tinglish-- or thai-english)
But I am ready to leave Colorado and the USA.
After all, Edward Norton is trying his hand at an Incredible Hulk film.
Clearly I cannot stay in this country to witness that.
There are no goals and no obligations--- and no destinations.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to get to the airport at 7 am, but my flight is not until 12. The journey has already begun and people watching at the airport for a few hours will be a part of it. The absurdly long, muscle-swelling flight to Taipei will be part of it. Sitting at the BKK airport from 1 am to 5 am while I wait for the buses to run will be part of it. Just as much as walking around Bangkok and any part of Thailand will be part of it.
It's all a continuation of the same journey.
"Same same" as they say in Thailand. (it's Tinglish-- or thai-english)
But I am ready to leave Colorado and the USA.
After all, Edward Norton is trying his hand at an Incredible Hulk film.
Clearly I cannot stay in this country to witness that.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Fretting at 4 am.-- The Angkor Wat Adventure
If Thailand is the land of gentleness that greets everything with a smile...Cambodia is its nasty cousin that flips you off.
I'm trying to figure out the way to Angkor Wat because if I'm "that close and don't go" I'd never hear the end of it. I've never been much for regrets. And of course I want to go, but the more I read about "AK-47 toting terrorists stop the truck to collect impromptu “tolls”" while the trucks are of course driving on impassable roads littered with landmines-- the more comfortable I feel in Thailand and Thailand alone. Thailand is not perfect, but its the star child around its neighbors. The democratic diamond in the communist rough. Yes, that's right, this is the liberal idealist in me conceding and saying that communism hardens and wears away at people.
The way to Angkor Wat is unlike reaching any place in Thailand. In Thailand buses and trains run everywhere at least a couple times a day. So from Bangkok to the border city of Aranya Prathet I'd catch a 5 am bus at about $3.50. Once I'm in Cambodia however? The mode of transportation is series of Pickup trucks, the first of which will be idling at the border checkpoint. Might as well be an unmarked van.
I set up a post on Couchsurfing inviting other international travelers to come and make the journey with me. Preferably "a large male who'd willingly pose as a violently possessive boyfriend while giving the appearance of former military employment?" Hahaha. But seriously, weepy folks with fragile nerves need not apply.
Oh, and this just occurred to me, right before I do this I will have spent 2 weeks practicing peaceful vipassana meditation at a buddhist monastery.
Talk about fragile.
I'm trying to figure out the way to Angkor Wat because if I'm "that close and don't go" I'd never hear the end of it. I've never been much for regrets. And of course I want to go, but the more I read about "AK-47 toting terrorists stop the truck to collect impromptu “tolls”" while the trucks are of course driving on impassable roads littered with landmines-- the more comfortable I feel in Thailand and Thailand alone. Thailand is not perfect, but its the star child around its neighbors. The democratic diamond in the communist rough. Yes, that's right, this is the liberal idealist in me conceding and saying that communism hardens and wears away at people.
The way to Angkor Wat is unlike reaching any place in Thailand. In Thailand buses and trains run everywhere at least a couple times a day. So from Bangkok to the border city of Aranya Prathet I'd catch a 5 am bus at about $3.50. Once I'm in Cambodia however? The mode of transportation is series of Pickup trucks, the first of which will be idling at the border checkpoint. Might as well be an unmarked van.
I set up a post on Couchsurfing inviting other international travelers to come and make the journey with me. Preferably "a large male who'd willingly pose as a violently possessive boyfriend while giving the appearance of former military employment?" Hahaha. But seriously, weepy folks with fragile nerves need not apply.
Oh, and this just occurred to me, right before I do this I will have spent 2 weeks practicing peaceful vipassana meditation at a buddhist monastery.
Talk about fragile.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Expensive Mistake Number 1
Visa laws are absolutely terrifying. The potential of getting locked out of a country or thrown in Thai jail is absolutely terrifying.
Since the hippie backpacker invasion, Westerners and Expats have stayed long term in Thailand by getting their automatic 30 days in the country then hopping over the border and back again for another 30 days.
A few decades later and the Thai government has pretty much caught on and cracked down. Or so I heard.
I only found out I was going to Thailand on April 11th, so I bought a plane ticket as soon as I could. I knew I wanted to apply for the Tourist visa, which allows a 60 days maximum stay.
To apply for a visa you have to mail in a copy of your airplane tickets.
The folks at the embassy in Washington D.C. aren't dumb. It wouldn't look good to have a plane ticket that said 90 day stay when you're telling them your intentions are to be in the country for 60.
So I bought a roundtrip that saids "time of stay: 57 days."
And I got the visa-- but it's only single entry.
And now I'm trying to figure out how to stay for almost 90 days.
I'll have to change my plane ticket-- $100 fee plus the change in airfare(more than $150)-- which just spiked in the past couple weeks. I tried to change it a few weeks ago but since I have paper tickets it makes more sense to change them in BKK.
So, I'm fairly stressed about making this all work out. Here's the tenative plan, complete with visual aid.
Arrive in Bangkok on Thursday, May 29th at 1am, hang out in BKK airport, change my flight, claim small checked bag full of SPF and DEET and relax until 5 am when buses run.
Thursday-Monday June 2nd: stay in Bangkok, get a thai massage, get over jet lag, buy regional clothing to wear.
Monday June 2nd, start heading south down the Penninsula mostly on the Gulf side.
July 1st: reach Ubon Ratachathani up in the northeast, study/sit at Wat Pah Nana chat monastery.
July 15th: leave the wat before Vassa, the rains retreat begins
July 20th: head to Angkor Wat Cambodia before my visa expires.
July 25th: return to Thailand with a new 30 day visa (fingers crossed)
August: head up to Chiang Mai/Pai area through Ayutthaya
August 20th approximately: return flight from BKK to Denver.
Plans are for linear-thinking westerner squares. This square happens to be scared to death by visas because her good friend Luke got deported out of Scotland immediately due to lack of proper visa. And all the poor boy wanted to do was learn how to distill whiskey! Turns out you need a work visa for that. Go figure.
Since the hippie backpacker invasion, Westerners and Expats have stayed long term in Thailand by getting their automatic 30 days in the country then hopping over the border and back again for another 30 days.
A few decades later and the Thai government has pretty much caught on and cracked down. Or so I heard.
I only found out I was going to Thailand on April 11th, so I bought a plane ticket as soon as I could. I knew I wanted to apply for the Tourist visa, which allows a 60 days maximum stay.
To apply for a visa you have to mail in a copy of your airplane tickets.
The folks at the embassy in Washington D.C. aren't dumb. It wouldn't look good to have a plane ticket that said 90 day stay when you're telling them your intentions are to be in the country for 60.
So I bought a roundtrip that saids "time of stay: 57 days."
And I got the visa-- but it's only single entry.
And now I'm trying to figure out how to stay for almost 90 days.
I'll have to change my plane ticket-- $100 fee plus the change in airfare(more than $150)-- which just spiked in the past couple weeks. I tried to change it a few weeks ago but since I have paper tickets it makes more sense to change them in BKK.
So, I'm fairly stressed about making this all work out. Here's the tenative plan, complete with visual aid.
Arrive in Bangkok on Thursday, May 29th at 1am, hang out in BKK airport, change my flight, claim small checked bag full of SPF and DEET and relax until 5 am when buses run.
Thursday-Monday June 2nd: stay in Bangkok, get a thai massage, get over jet lag, buy regional clothing to wear.
Monday June 2nd, start heading south down the Penninsula mostly on the Gulf side.
July 1st: reach Ubon Ratachathani up in the northeast, study/sit at Wat Pah Nana chat monastery.
July 15th: leave the wat before Vassa, the rains retreat begins
July 20th: head to Angkor Wat Cambodia before my visa expires.
July 25th: return to Thailand with a new 30 day visa (fingers crossed)
August: head up to Chiang Mai/Pai area through Ayutthaya
August 20th approximately: return flight from BKK to Denver.
Plans are for linear-thinking westerner squares. This square happens to be scared to death by visas because her good friend Luke got deported out of Scotland immediately due to lack of proper visa. And all the poor boy wanted to do was learn how to distill whiskey! Turns out you need a work visa for that. Go figure.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Need an icebreaker? Shave your head.
I went to my little sister Cami's senior choir concert tonight. Which meant stepping over the threshold of my old high school--- which is as draining and overwhelming as an extended family reunion. Despite my constant attempts to alter my appearance I inevitably get recognized by my old teachers and principle and everyone else involved with the school. It's that small of a school. And unlike a family reunion, much of everything in that world has stayed the same, while my life, like my appearance, has changed dramatically. So I hyped myself up and got my short and sweet explanation all ready.
Now that the mohawk has gone and my head is completely shaved down to 1/8th of an inch ala Evie in V for Vendetta my head sparks the most conversation.
The best was the woman at the bank when I got my travelers checks: "Oh honey, tell me you did that on purpose".
Yup. No hard drugs or nervous breakdowns. I said Natalie Portman, not Britney Spears.
Everyone wants to know what would possess me to do it. And everyone remarks about what a "nice shaped head" I have and how my "eyes just shine" and my "cheek bones glow."
It happens to look pretty alright on me, but I knew that since I did it a year ago before I went off to Maui. My mum calls it "elegantly tribal"
Cutting off hair signifies a lot of things in a lot of cultures. A renouncing of the past and a renouncing of wealth, appearance, and the material. Princes grew their hair out long. When Prince Siddhartha took the path of spirituality, he cut off his princely locks and became Gautama Buddha.
The short and sweet answer that I've got prepared is :
"Yea, I cut off all my hair again, I'm going to be backpacking around Thailand for three months and staying in a monastery, it's one less thing to deal with and carry, I don't have to carry as much shampoo and it's a cultural signal of what I came to thailand to do, which is practice buddhism."
When people ask my dad "Thailand? Why is she going to Thailand?" He says "To grow back her hair."
When they ask my mum, she gets a little strained and says "because she's the adventurous one of my daughters and its the furtherest, strangest place that she got her heart set on." Then they say "She's going alone?!" Then she pretends to be non-nonchalant and aloof, like it doesn't worry her at all.
Then again, I'm pretending the same thing and saying "if I can get a bus from the airport to Banglamphu and get into a hostel, I'm set from there on." One foot in front of the other.
Now that the mohawk has gone and my head is completely shaved down to 1/8th of an inch ala Evie in V for Vendetta my head sparks the most conversation.
The best was the woman at the bank when I got my travelers checks: "Oh honey, tell me you did that on purpose".
Yup. No hard drugs or nervous breakdowns. I said Natalie Portman, not Britney Spears.
Everyone wants to know what would possess me to do it. And everyone remarks about what a "nice shaped head" I have and how my "eyes just shine" and my "cheek bones glow."
It happens to look pretty alright on me, but I knew that since I did it a year ago before I went off to Maui. My mum calls it "elegantly tribal"
Cutting off hair signifies a lot of things in a lot of cultures. A renouncing of the past and a renouncing of wealth, appearance, and the material. Princes grew their hair out long. When Prince Siddhartha took the path of spirituality, he cut off his princely locks and became Gautama Buddha.
The short and sweet answer that I've got prepared is :
"Yea, I cut off all my hair again, I'm going to be backpacking around Thailand for three months and staying in a monastery, it's one less thing to deal with and carry, I don't have to carry as much shampoo and it's a cultural signal of what I came to thailand to do, which is practice buddhism."
When people ask my dad "Thailand? Why is she going to Thailand?" He says "To grow back her hair."
When they ask my mum, she gets a little strained and says "because she's the adventurous one of my daughters and its the furtherest, strangest place that she got her heart set on." Then they say "She's going alone?!" Then she pretends to be non-nonchalant and aloof, like it doesn't worry her at all.
Then again, I'm pretending the same thing and saying "if I can get a bus from the airport to Banglamphu and get into a hostel, I'm set from there on." One foot in front of the other.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
All-Singing All-Dancing Crap of the World
There's a stack of boxes against the wall of my parent's basement. It's 5 boxes high. And there's a pile of clothes in garbage bags at the base.
It's disgusting.
How did I acquire so much crap?!
And the mindset that I need it all, or will someday?!
As soon as I hauled all this into the house I put my backpack on. It's pretty much as small as it comes. I put my new water filter in it, a new moleskine, my raincover, and my camel back. It's nearly all I need.
I'm finally forcing myself to contact people on couchsurf.com Some of them just seem like the most amazing people on earth. They're mostly nomads! Real nomads! Real people really doing what I want to do despite the fact that society says its not possible.
I'm looking around my old room-- mostly because I can only look, it's impossible to walk around, too much crap(!!!)-- and I'm thinking about throwing it all out. If not now, then certainly when I get back. The freedom of a single backpack is absolutely unreal. We're such limitless creatures but we just tie ourselves down in exchange for some sort of security.
It's a terrible trade.
It's disgusting.
How did I acquire so much crap?!
And the mindset that I need it all, or will someday?!
As soon as I hauled all this into the house I put my backpack on. It's pretty much as small as it comes. I put my new water filter in it, a new moleskine, my raincover, and my camel back. It's nearly all I need.
I'm finally forcing myself to contact people on couchsurf.com Some of them just seem like the most amazing people on earth. They're mostly nomads! Real nomads! Real people really doing what I want to do despite the fact that society says its not possible.
I'm looking around my old room-- mostly because I can only look, it's impossible to walk around, too much crap(!!!)-- and I'm thinking about throwing it all out. If not now, then certainly when I get back. The freedom of a single backpack is absolutely unreal. We're such limitless creatures but we just tie ourselves down in exchange for some sort of security.
It's a terrible trade.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Secret of the Chase
I've solved the greatest mystery.
I have so many friends, mostly female, who come to me and say "alright, I'm ready, I'm not always ready, but now I'm situated and ready to meet someone I'd want to date. Someone who'd really interest me."
And, of course, that's not the way it works. Never has been and never will be. If you're looking for it, you'll never find it. Why do you think cupid is depicted with sharp and sudden arrows? Start the search and suddenly all the interesting people you've ever known will disappear. But, turn your back on the notion and embrace your lovely independence and love/attraction will bite you deftly and sorely in the ass. The universe is awfully fun that way. The only thing sexier than confidence is aloofness or, better yet, complete disinterest. Why blow a kiss or wink when you can just yawn? The declaration of "That's it! I'm fed up, I'm done. I'm taking some time for me." is actually the exact entrance cue of someone who will floor you.
But, if you really want to meet someone that you find endlessly and mind-bogglingly intriguing: buy a plane ticket to the other side of the planet and disappear for three months. It doesn't get much more aloof than that.
I have so many friends, mostly female, who come to me and say "alright, I'm ready, I'm not always ready, but now I'm situated and ready to meet someone I'd want to date. Someone who'd really interest me."
And, of course, that's not the way it works. Never has been and never will be. If you're looking for it, you'll never find it. Why do you think cupid is depicted with sharp and sudden arrows? Start the search and suddenly all the interesting people you've ever known will disappear. But, turn your back on the notion and embrace your lovely independence and love/attraction will bite you deftly and sorely in the ass. The universe is awfully fun that way. The only thing sexier than confidence is aloofness or, better yet, complete disinterest. Why blow a kiss or wink when you can just yawn? The declaration of "That's it! I'm fed up, I'm done. I'm taking some time for me." is actually the exact entrance cue of someone who will floor you.
But, if you really want to meet someone that you find endlessly and mind-bogglingly intriguing: buy a plane ticket to the other side of the planet and disappear for three months. It doesn't get much more aloof than that.
Goodbyes
I swung by West Side Tattoo today to get my piercings removed (one of the 8 precepts of a layperson seeking refuge in a monastery requires that they renounce attachments... including adornments and, in my case, hair) and to say goodbye. But, if my mum asks, removing the piercings are her mother's day gift.
The guys have known about the trip to Thailand before it was even a reality. Aaron and I still haven't finished the leg sleeve which was inspired by my summer in Maui, so he jokes that he's curious to see what ideas I'll come back with this time.
He also said he's excited to see how much I grow from this. I'm sure it will be a lot. In an email my exboyfriend said "I'm sure you'll come back from this experience as changed as you were the first time you went to find yourself." I guess he means Maui. I'm extremely lucky, I've traveled quite a bit and every time its revolutionized my life, but I've never traveled alone to this extent. I've never had that much freedom or responsibility in a foreign place. I've never changed my own money, I've never had to find a place to sleep each night, I've never had to look at a map and decide "where next?"
I'm excited to know the person I'm currently becoming, she seems really great.
I tried to slip out of West Side with a quick "I have an appointment to finish the sleeve on September 13th! See you then!"
He wouldn't let me out the door like that. He stopped tattooing and gave me a big hug and, like everyone else, demanded that I be safe. He also said that if anything goes wrong, if I get into any sort of trouble, big or small, to call them and they'll bail me out. And he was dead serious and I got tears in my eyes.
Those guys are definitely my second family. (A family that supports my body modifications-- awesome!) Brian gave me a giant hug as soon as I walked in and said "shouldn't you get the hell out of the country now?" and Chris and I spent some time a month ago pouring over a book of asian architecture, much of which in Thailand and Cambodia. Toast asked me which monasteries I was looking out and what the buddhist hours are (wake up call at 3:30 am usually)
Yesterday I went to say goodbye to the guys of Edifice and had a similar bitter-sweet feeling.
It's amazing to suddenly find myself surrounded by such a beautiful and loving support system of people in this town--- and very surprising. It makes it hard to leave, but makes coming back from paradise ok.
The guys have known about the trip to Thailand before it was even a reality. Aaron and I still haven't finished the leg sleeve which was inspired by my summer in Maui, so he jokes that he's curious to see what ideas I'll come back with this time.
He also said he's excited to see how much I grow from this. I'm sure it will be a lot. In an email my exboyfriend said "I'm sure you'll come back from this experience as changed as you were the first time you went to find yourself." I guess he means Maui. I'm extremely lucky, I've traveled quite a bit and every time its revolutionized my life, but I've never traveled alone to this extent. I've never had that much freedom or responsibility in a foreign place. I've never changed my own money, I've never had to find a place to sleep each night, I've never had to look at a map and decide "where next?"
I'm excited to know the person I'm currently becoming, she seems really great.
I tried to slip out of West Side with a quick "I have an appointment to finish the sleeve on September 13th! See you then!"
He wouldn't let me out the door like that. He stopped tattooing and gave me a big hug and, like everyone else, demanded that I be safe. He also said that if anything goes wrong, if I get into any sort of trouble, big or small, to call them and they'll bail me out. And he was dead serious and I got tears in my eyes.
Those guys are definitely my second family. (A family that supports my body modifications-- awesome!) Brian gave me a giant hug as soon as I walked in and said "shouldn't you get the hell out of the country now?" and Chris and I spent some time a month ago pouring over a book of asian architecture, much of which in Thailand and Cambodia. Toast asked me which monasteries I was looking out and what the buddhist hours are (wake up call at 3:30 am usually)
Yesterday I went to say goodbye to the guys of Edifice and had a similar bitter-sweet feeling.
It's amazing to suddenly find myself surrounded by such a beautiful and loving support system of people in this town--- and very surprising. It makes it hard to leave, but makes coming back from paradise ok.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
The Mystery of the Mohawk
That's Quan Yin, she's the bodhisattva of compassion, mercy and love and I carry her with me in a tattoo everywhere I go.
That's what's neat. Packing for this trip isn't hard. I'm really not taking anything. A few weeks ago during a lull in a conversation a good friend asked me what I would save in a fire.
Nothing.
There is no object or possession that I'm attached to. I'm pretty ready for the nomadic lifestyle.
But it's not just about things.
Alot of people think my mohawk is for fun, and it is, but it's because I'm halfway to shaving all my hair off. I cut it into a mohawk about an hour after I got the phone call telling me I was going to Thailand. I did this last year before I went to maui and I'm doing it again. I'm not interested in the attachment of western female beauty. My looks should be the furthest thing from my mind while I'm there. That and hair is hot and it's going to be 110 degrees.
I was a little worried that this will look like some sort of mockery of the monastic world, but I've been told instead that I'll probably be treated even more kindly by the people of thailand since I'm verifying their faith by traveling halfway around the world to truly experience it.
I'm also taking out all my piercings this week.
My tattoos, my only prized possessions, really, will be covered up anyway. I'm going to buy regional clothing at the JJ weekend market in Bangkok when I get there. If I really wanna look like a spiritual pilgrim, I'll probably end up wearing white all the time.
This isn't your typical thailand vacation.
Thailand is really weird that way: it attracts mostly two groups of young adults. People like me who are interested in the faith and the culture, and people who are interested in the beach raves and sex industry.
The best piece of advice I've gotten other than "don't drink the water" is, "don't sleep with anyone." A prostitute in Bangkok or Pattaya or Ko Samui costs an average of 90 bhat---- that's $3 USD. And it's been around since at least the 16th century. And the women are thai, persistent and absolutely gorgeous-- and AIDS and STDs are absolutely rampant. You hear alot about Africa, but Thailand and India are just as bad if not worse-- and it's a big part of the tourism industry.
What I am taking with me is:
-really awesome women's NorthFace 70 medium backpack
-my camel back
-a water purifer that attaches directly to aforementioned camel back
-a sawed off toothbrush, tiny shampoo/soap etc.
-passport
-my chaos (that was actually supposed to say chacos, the sandals, but I think I like chaos better)
-$$$$
-a sleep sack for hostels
-sunscreen and bugspray
-malaria medication
-and a guide book.
I'm almost out of my mohawk spiking stuff so I'll probably shave my head completely once I get to Fort Collins. If you've asked me the question "what makes it stand up?" and I gave you a smart ass answer like "Hope" "Faith" "Will Power" or even "arousal" the actual answer is this stuff called Blast Spray Adhesive. Elmer's glue is nasty and hairspray would take days on a 7 inch mohawk.
Serendipity and Siam
(Siam was the name of Thailand until 1939)
It's taken 3 years for me to feel at home in Colorado Springs. I'm happy no matter where I am-- there's beauty and perfection everywhere and I'm always exactly where I need to be. It just took me a while to settle into my niche. So now it's time to pack up and leave-- and I'm really going to miss all the amazing people that I've met recently. Gather no moss, but try and pick up alot of friends along the way I guess.
On the morning of May 27th I board a plane which will take me to LA, then another plane to Taipai (blargh) and then a third which will land a haggard, backpack-laden version of me in Bangkok at 1:05am on May 29th.
From there on out, I'm completely on my own.
The plan from there is: pick a hostel, sleep for a day, go buy clothes and get a thai massage.
Then I'll decide: North or South and start going.
How the hell am I lucky enough to have this freedom? Good karma I guess, that and a Colorado College Award in Literature. My previous portfolio of writing and my proposal to "write a collection of non-narrative, meditative lyric poems which reflect the impact of buddhist practice on my life" was good enough to get me $3,500 of freedom.
A good chunk of that change went towards my plane ticket, thai visa, malaria medications, shots, water purifer etc. While I'm there I will live for less than $20 a day and I've decided to commit to being there all three months. So, although I planned to come back on July 23rd due to visa restrictions, it's effin Thailand. I'm staying until at least August 20th. I'll change my ticket at the airport in Bangkok.
So here's the million dollar question: why Thailand? I wondered that more than anyone else. Here are a few reasons, and the real reason.
-The Buddhist community
-The beauty of the place!
-the Remote nature
-It's cheap
-the friendly history
-The Real reason: ready for this? It's pretty weird. I think most people would give me a sideways glance for it.... (Promise to still be my friend?) Answer: a voice in my head told me to.
Explanation: Last summer I lived on an organic farm on Maui. There I practiced all forms of insight meditation. We did formal sits and yoga asanas in the morning. But, really the whole silent day spent out in the fields were a meditation. Weeding, planting, hand-tilling, all of it a meditation. My favorite activity was sifting the compost because it was this amazing moment when the dead and discarded became the valued and revered. Because I had been constantly meditating for a few months, my mind had become so quiet and still, that I could finally hear my own insights. Some of them had been very faint, but this one was booming-voice-of-god loud and clear. But it wasn't a booming voice. It was a soft, gentle and understanding voice that simply said, "Thailand. The next step is Thailand."
Before that day, other than a fundraiser I did after the tsunami, I'd never thought twice about Thailand. India? Sri Lanka? Tibet? Bali? Absolutely! But never Thailand. Then, in 2 seconds, Thailand was the most important place in my world. I was living in maui for chrissakes, why was I thinking about Thailand? It boggled my reason, but I knew deep down that it was true. I was going. I realized that whatever force landed me so unexpectedly in Maui could and would get me to Thailand too.
Weirdly enough, that same serendipitous force had a detoured route to do it. I was supposed to go to France in the Spring to study film. I had my French visa in hand, my language skills at their peak and my stuff packed up---- and I got mononucleosis 2 weeks before my flight, wound up in the emergency room for extreme exhaustion and dehydration, and was not approved to fly out of the country.
My life completely disintegrated from underneath me. I had no classes to be taking, no job and no apartment to be living in. I already had a leave of absence approved, so, without signing anything I could have dropped out of school, gotten a real job and taken up my boyfriend's offer to move in with him. Before that happened, however, I found out he'd still been sleeping with his needy, obsessive-ex, which made him equally as needy and I'm too independent and have too much self-respect to subject myself to that situation for a minute more than necessary.
Instead, once I was healthy I decided to rejuvenate my life by breathing creativity back into it. When I was sick I could hardly even muster the energy to sit up or stand, much less write or draw. I slept for about 20 hours a day and began to slip into a depression due to the worthlessness I felt.
I came back to C Springs jumped into Stop-Motion Animation and made 6 films in 11 days.
Then I took Beginning Poetry Writing with the remarkable writer Jane Hilberry and really focused on my writing for two months. At the end of the class my professor invited the 12 of us over to her house for a party. She asked that we each bring something meaningful that we were willing to part with. I really don't have meaningful objects so it took me a long time to come up with one. I ended up bringing my hospital bracelet from the emergency room two months before. We each gave our objects to a member of the class-- I ended up giving the bracelet to my professor, who helped fan a creative spark back into the fire of my life. With the portfolio from that class I applied for the award in literature.
And I won.
I'm going for several reasons.
-Because I feel there is something there for me, but I don't know what yet.
-Because I want to experience a culture where I cannot communicate with anything other than a smile and my humanity.
-Because I want to wander without itineraries or plans.
-Because I want to write in a momentary way which is different from everything I've ever written before.
but really, the truth is: -I want to spend some time in a monastary and deepen my buddhist practice in the hopes to regaining the stillness where the voice of insight can be heard. It was the most loving and kind voice I've ever heard. And it was mine.
It's taken 3 years for me to feel at home in Colorado Springs. I'm happy no matter where I am-- there's beauty and perfection everywhere and I'm always exactly where I need to be. It just took me a while to settle into my niche. So now it's time to pack up and leave-- and I'm really going to miss all the amazing people that I've met recently. Gather no moss, but try and pick up alot of friends along the way I guess.
On the morning of May 27th I board a plane which will take me to LA, then another plane to Taipai (blargh) and then a third which will land a haggard, backpack-laden version of me in Bangkok at 1:05am on May 29th.
From there on out, I'm completely on my own.
The plan from there is: pick a hostel, sleep for a day, go buy clothes and get a thai massage.
Then I'll decide: North or South and start going.
How the hell am I lucky enough to have this freedom? Good karma I guess, that and a Colorado College Award in Literature. My previous portfolio of writing and my proposal to "write a collection of non-narrative, meditative lyric poems which reflect the impact of buddhist practice on my life" was good enough to get me $3,500 of freedom.
A good chunk of that change went towards my plane ticket, thai visa, malaria medications, shots, water purifer etc. While I'm there I will live for less than $20 a day and I've decided to commit to being there all three months. So, although I planned to come back on July 23rd due to visa restrictions, it's effin Thailand. I'm staying until at least August 20th. I'll change my ticket at the airport in Bangkok.
So here's the million dollar question: why Thailand? I wondered that more than anyone else. Here are a few reasons, and the real reason.
-The Buddhist community
-The beauty of the place!
-the Remote nature
-It's cheap
-the friendly history
-The Real reason: ready for this? It's pretty weird. I think most people would give me a sideways glance for it.... (Promise to still be my friend?) Answer: a voice in my head told me to.
Explanation: Last summer I lived on an organic farm on Maui. There I practiced all forms of insight meditation. We did formal sits and yoga asanas in the morning. But, really the whole silent day spent out in the fields were a meditation. Weeding, planting, hand-tilling, all of it a meditation. My favorite activity was sifting the compost because it was this amazing moment when the dead and discarded became the valued and revered. Because I had been constantly meditating for a few months, my mind had become so quiet and still, that I could finally hear my own insights. Some of them had been very faint, but this one was booming-voice-of-god loud and clear. But it wasn't a booming voice. It was a soft, gentle and understanding voice that simply said, "Thailand. The next step is Thailand."
Before that day, other than a fundraiser I did after the tsunami, I'd never thought twice about Thailand. India? Sri Lanka? Tibet? Bali? Absolutely! But never Thailand. Then, in 2 seconds, Thailand was the most important place in my world. I was living in maui for chrissakes, why was I thinking about Thailand? It boggled my reason, but I knew deep down that it was true. I was going. I realized that whatever force landed me so unexpectedly in Maui could and would get me to Thailand too.
Weirdly enough, that same serendipitous force had a detoured route to do it. I was supposed to go to France in the Spring to study film. I had my French visa in hand, my language skills at their peak and my stuff packed up---- and I got mononucleosis 2 weeks before my flight, wound up in the emergency room for extreme exhaustion and dehydration, and was not approved to fly out of the country.
My life completely disintegrated from underneath me. I had no classes to be taking, no job and no apartment to be living in. I already had a leave of absence approved, so, without signing anything I could have dropped out of school, gotten a real job and taken up my boyfriend's offer to move in with him. Before that happened, however, I found out he'd still been sleeping with his needy, obsessive-ex, which made him equally as needy and I'm too independent and have too much self-respect to subject myself to that situation for a minute more than necessary.
Instead, once I was healthy I decided to rejuvenate my life by breathing creativity back into it. When I was sick I could hardly even muster the energy to sit up or stand, much less write or draw. I slept for about 20 hours a day and began to slip into a depression due to the worthlessness I felt.
I came back to C Springs jumped into Stop-Motion Animation and made 6 films in 11 days.
Then I took Beginning Poetry Writing with the remarkable writer Jane Hilberry and really focused on my writing for two months. At the end of the class my professor invited the 12 of us over to her house for a party. She asked that we each bring something meaningful that we were willing to part with. I really don't have meaningful objects so it took me a long time to come up with one. I ended up bringing my hospital bracelet from the emergency room two months before. We each gave our objects to a member of the class-- I ended up giving the bracelet to my professor, who helped fan a creative spark back into the fire of my life. With the portfolio from that class I applied for the award in literature.
And I won.
I'm going for several reasons.
-Because I feel there is something there for me, but I don't know what yet.
-Because I want to experience a culture where I cannot communicate with anything other than a smile and my humanity.
-Because I want to wander without itineraries or plans.
-Because I want to write in a momentary way which is different from everything I've ever written before.
but really, the truth is: -I want to spend some time in a monastary and deepen my buddhist practice in the hopes to regaining the stillness where the voice of insight can be heard. It was the most loving and kind voice I've ever heard. And it was mine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
